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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Finding our way in a place of our own

I was now eighteen, with a two year old little girl and a baby boy due any day, living in my own apartment. Living on your own for the first time, I mean truly on your own..(because the in-law apartment attached to my mother and step father's house wasn't really on my own) was both lonely and exciting.

It was a townhouse style in a complex of over 80 apartments just like it. I had advocated to get myself in. Collecting each of those reference letters had been both tiresome and delightful. Reading each letter of recommendation renewed the faith I had in myself, as the counselor I had entrusted with was still steadily trying to knock me down. As if her sole purpose was to pull down the curtains of confidence I had built and expose me as what she was prejudiced to believe a teen mother must me.

The letters the community wrote on my behalf were beautiful. They really kept me from being discouraged. Between the counselor and on-going issues with the father of my unborn baby, it would have been easy to get mad and give up, because at time I felt like I was just being attacked every time I turned around.

I had a very special parent aid at that time  who took me on as more than a case, but treated me as family and looked after me as such. She was a great advocate, and a pillar of support to me at that time. She would call and check in with me and I could call her day or night. Again, with the support of her, my family, my friends and others in the community I was fighting the battle against this counselor as I prepared for the birth of my son and started my new life in my very first place.

I still walked everywhere. I went on and off again to adult ed classes and we went to playgroups everyday we could find one. We took walks over to my friend's houses. Usually Stephanie who'd had a beautiful baby girl or to my friend Caryl's, who lived in the same complex, her parents lived in the complex as well. We walked to the grocery store whenever we needed groceries or to the laundry mat when ever we had dirty laundry which was a lot. Sometimes to my dad's house which was not too far away and sometimes to bigger playgrounds if it wasn't too cold, but by that point it mostly was. It was winter in Connecticut, we'd moved in in November, celebrated our first Christmas in our new place and my baby was due in January.


We didn't have much at first but I enjoyed cleaning the house everyday. I loved taking DeAna to the playground to play with other children anytime of the day. I was slowly and cautiously meeting my neighbors. I signed up to be on the neighborhood crime watch. I also attended Resident Counsel Meeting where we planned events for our little community.

I was learning to cook although I unsure of my self. A usual dinner was chicken breasts and a vegetable for me and Deana. I could make homemade mac and cheese, and collards. I was too scared to try to cook anything like steak or a ham or a turkey. Someone gave me canned ham, I tried making that but was so worried I cook it wrong and would get sick, I threw it away. At lunch we would have rice and beans or pasta. Lots of Cheerios and Kix and fresh fruit. I craved orange juice all the time and still drank about a gallon of milk between me and DeAna a day. DeAna's favorite snack was a can of red beans or Garbanzo beans with a piece of cheese melted on it and a cup of Juicey juice.

I made mistakes with my first place, I didn't know not to use bleach on hard wood floors. I just knew I wanted our home clean and sanitary. So I quickly managed to ruin the freshly lacquered wood floors in our living room. I fell down the stairs on the way to the laundry room, going down with DeAna and a basket of clothes. Thank goodness I was just a little sore, Deana didn't fall and my baby was safe inside my belly.

Our first Christmas was so happy and peaceful. I could hardly wait to wake her to open her gifts from Santa Claus. At 2 1/2, she understood more what it was about, and she was thrilled with her baby dolls,toys and books. We of course saw family Christmas Eve and Chrsitmas day, but Christmas morning was ours alone. She'd made cookies for Santa and he left her a letter in return.

Although we didn't have a lot, we had everything we needed and those first months are some of the happiest times of my life despite other obstacles. I couldn't afford cable so we watch the VHS of the Jungle book at least a hundred times over and over again. DeAna and I could be seen almost any night dancing together in the living room to the that movie. Her room of course was filled with toys and because family and friends had been so good to us, and I had been smart about keeping lay aways going throughout my 2nd pregnancy as well, my new baby would have everything he needed when he arrived.

 When he arrived, things in life got worse around us, but his addition was one of the greatest blessings God could have given us. His inclusion to our lives, to my life, was the final push I needed to be all the mother I could be and get this woman and those against us gone for good.


DEANA AND GIOVANI'S FIRST ROOM IN OUR FIRST REAL PLACE

DEANA MARIAH READING BOOKS IN HER ROOM AND PLAYING WITH HER BEST FRIEND SHE MADE IN OUR FIRST NEIGHBORHOOD
CHELSEA MARIE,



 

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

A quick word from this blogger!

WISHING ALL THOSE ENTERING THESE CONTESTS THE BEST OF LUCK! I HOPE EVERYONE GETS A CHANCE TO WIN SOMETHING! ALL THOSE WAITING TO READ SOME REAL POSTS AGAIN, I WILL CONTINUE MY STORY AGAIN TOMORROW! LOVE YOU ALL AND BEST WISHES!





“If you will call your troubles experiences, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be.” John Heywood quotes

Thirty-one Gifts Large Utility tote Giveaway!!

Thirty-One Gifts Large Utility Tote Giveaway!!

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Sunday, April 15, 2012

Solstice Giveaway Event

Welcome to the Solstice Giveaway, presented by CouponTrade.com, Solsticesunglasses.com and Moms with Voices Media! 3 lucky winners will receive a $100 eGift Certificate for Solstice Sunglasses       CouponTrade.com is the newest location to save, because they offer both coupons AND discounted gift cards. Whats more? You can SELL your gift cards there too!   Solstice offers so many great styles and brands of sunglasses, you will have a hard time choosing how to spend your prize! Best of all, free shipping and returns!   Entry is simple, just fill out the Rafflecopter form below!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

GIVEAWAY! FREE BOOK! How to LOVE your Labour

WHO SAYS NOTHING IN LIFE IS FREE?!!
I have two copies of

How to LOVE your labour
By, Tracey Rose up for grabs!  Just use the Rafflecopter below for easy entry!!
GOOD LUCK! and Best WISHES!



Friday, April 13, 2012

Book Review: How to LOVE your labour

Today I am reviewing :
how to LOVE your labour  
one woman’s journey from freaking out to fearless birth
A book by, Tracey Rose

This book is for: Expectant Mothers and their birthing partners.

Amazon summary: Not available yet. Book yet to be released.

My Review: 
I was hesitant to read yet another book on childbirth. All woman who have given birth have a story to share. Each as unique as the child they create, and still all labour stories are the same in many ways. Yet, as I read through the pages of "how to LOVE your labour" I was quickly engrossed in the Author Tracey Rose's story. A tale entertaining and funny as well as highly informative. It wasn't the type of book you put down and forget. The information she shares is told with charm, easy to understand and hard to forget.

Not only is the author honest about the many fears she faced as a first time mother in regards to the pain factor, she is quick to fess up to both her mistakes and her secrets for overcoming those same fears. Her advice to  all pregnant woman in my opinion is priceless because it easy to understand and apply to just about any one's pregnancy.

This is not a preaching author shaking her finger and shaming fellow mothers about the rights and wrongs of the labour process. This is a mother whose experience we can all relate to and whose solutions are both practical and encouraging to anyone looking for a drug free child-birth. She educated herself and is willing to share the wealth o knowledge she found with others.

The main purpose of her book seems to be that natural child birth can be both pain-free and actually enjoyable. I know many of you are shaking your heads in disbelief, but I challenge you to pick up this book and see for yourself. The techniques offered by the author can really work!  I enjoyed reading this book and that's with being past the pregnancy stage of my life . It truly is a good, heart-felt read, I hope all my blog readers take the time to enjoy both this book. I also encourage those expecting a baby to look into this author's natural child birth ideas for a better birth.

About the book:
Quoted from the Author's Web page,
http://naturalchildbirthworld.com/birth-story/
Here’s what you can expect to read and learn from my book …

This is what you will get:

  • A real life birth story that tells it how it is with all the emotions, facts and gory details! … you will soon learn I am no hippy chick!
  • I will share with you my fears, my hopes, my mistakes, my victories, my darkest hour and my moments of bliss … you will laugh, cry and come out inspired … guaranteed.
  • The shocking facts about medical intervention … this should be public knowledge!
  • The REAL PAIN behind pain relief … you need it … like a brick in the head.
  • What I learnt week by week in my childbirth classes … I went to gain knowledge and gained a whole new perspective on life.
  • A birth story where everything goes perfect … dreams do come true
  • A birth story during my darkest hour … there is hope no matter where you are at
  • How your childbirth can change your life … do it for you!
  • How your childbirth can set your kids up for life … do it for them!
  • An emotional journey that will scare you, prepare you and leave you with practical steps to move forward … do it now!
~ Quoted from Author, Tracey Rose.


Release date: The OFFICIAL release date is May 1st 2012.

If you are one of the first 100 to reserve your copy you will receive:

1. Your advance copy of the book now
2. Your complimentary webinar invitation
3. Your final copy of the book on May 1st 2012
(Downloadable PDF version)
US$37 US$27
as a pre-release customer you are also very welcome, if you like, to provide a testimonial or feedback that can be considered for the final copy. http://naturalchildbirthworld.com/birth-story/
Pages:

Where I got the book:  I got these E- book(s) for free from the author in exchange for an honest review. Both the E-book I read, and the two I will be giving away to my blog readers $27.00 value each.





Thursday, April 12, 2012

In the wake of adversity

With the pregnancy of my second child, I had a lot more to handle than with my first. Overcoming a broken heart with my hormones surging, raising a toddler, going to school, working..not working..not sleeping because DeAna was still up numerous times a night..and all the other teenage drama that goes along with being a teenager was a lot. I was a smart girl who knew when to ask for help. In addition to all the playgroups we attended just to get out of the house and socialize, all the parents aids who came in each week..I had called for counseling for myself.

I wanted to get over the break up, as I said, the father of my 2nd child was my first real boyfriend and my first real love. That is hard enough for anyone to get over, never mind someone with all the other things going on in my life, including a baby who was half his, on it's way. I needed someone I could talk to about me stuff, other than baby stuff.

I called and set up to meet with a woman who was recommended because she worked hand in hand with a lot of agencies I was already involved with. She and her adult daughter worked in the same office. I went in for an intake with the woman. She was a grandmotherly type with a warm smile. I briefly explained to her some of the challenges I was going through and she listen and as typical, made notes on a clipboard. I had no reason not be honest, as none of the things going on in my life would really be considered a huge deal to anyone but me. Because I did not drive and because I was pregnant and her office was an hour walk from our home, she arranged to come out for sessions. She did this with some families she said.

Despite my ache, I did what I needed to do. I put down a big layaway at Kmart planning ahead for Christmas and My baby who was due in January. I was planning for a boy and thank goodness an ultra-sound would later confirm it. I was trying my best to do all I could on my own. After one doctor's appointment, me and my son's father put a double stroller on layaway at Reibman's store. He agreed to pay half. With hard work and payments I was getting somewhere. Determined that I would still provide for my now two children, on my own as best I could.

I kept a very clean apartment and cooked very healthy meals. Although my cooking skills were very limited, I did my best. The kitchen to the in-law apartment was being renovated so with the exception of a refrigerator, microwave and a cabinet, I did most of our cooking in my mother's house and we still ate most meals with them.

I'd gotten DeAna a toddler bed and set her room up in the dining room and of course it was all Winnie-the-Pooh. I had my bedroom, a living room with a couch and TV. There was another bedroom, a bigger one, which was still being renovated and so I used that for storage. The size of the apartment was perfect for one mom and a young toddler. I'd also gotten DeAna her first pet. A small black kitten who kept things cozy with her cuddles and DeAna adored her. It was a comfy kind little place.

None of this flew with the counseling woman when she came out. Although the apartment was clean, she said an apartment under partial construction was not. She also said it wouldn't be suitable for bringing a newborn home to. She hated the kitten who'd left scratches on DeAna's hands and arms. She demanded the kitten go, she demanded we move, She wasn't nice about any of it.

The fact that none of the other home visitors that came had taken issue with our living conditions didn't matter to this woman. To make it worse she let it be known that if I didn't move promptly she would report me to DCF. When the woman left and my parents came home, I cried to my mother. She of course couldn't see what this woman's problem was either.

This woman had me locked in. When I tried to get out of appoints with her she said she would report me. After seeing babies taken from friends time and time again I was terrified. I felt like I wouldn't have a leg to stand on against her. I got rid of the kitten. Better the loss of a kitten then my child.
I went back to the apartment complex I'd applied at with a ten page letter telling them how I needed to move and fast. They agreed that because I turned eighteen in November, a few months before my sons birth, I would be able to move in on my eighteenth birthday as long as  I came back with 10 references from people of stature in the community. Most people only needed a few, but because of my age and because I had no previous rental references to us, I had to get 10 letters!

That's when all my time with parent aids and playgroups paid off because these people knew me well. I was able to get my letters in. The woman who demanded I move refused to write one.  The woman did not call DCF just then. She stayed an annoying part of my every week. Even after the move.

The new apartment was wonderful. What we owned hardly filled it but I loved it whole heatedly. I was hugely pregnant, much bigger then I'd been with Deana. Yet, I loved cleaning and decorating every inch of it with what we had. Staying our first nights there across town from my family was at first scary and then a little lonely. I called every night and all my family was good about coming to visit. My friends also came over but I was careful about how often and who. I knew I was being watched and closely, I didn't want to blow the chance that I had. I didn't want to make the mistake so many young parents make with their first apartment and let it be a hang out or party zone.

It was yet another new chapter for us, unfolding in the wake of chaos. It turned out to be a good one, but there would be some upsetting undertones.
This woman wouldn't quit, she let me know she not only didn't respect me but didn't like. She thought I was fake and trying to fool everyone. She had the power and a vendetta. At one point, her dislike of me was so bad, she almost cost me everything.





Wednesday, April 11, 2012

A baby forming

Monday, April 9, 2012

The stereo type

 WOULD I EVER BEAT THE STEREO TYPES???  From 14 and pregnant, to a mom of a daughter at fifteen. Pregnant again at 17, a son born at 18. A married mommy at 20. Losing a pregnancy that same year. My last baby son born  at age of 21. Now in my thirties raising 3 teens. Find out how I survived raising my children and myself. Follow my Blog to find out how as my story slowly unfolds.









Spiral

I took a hard fall emotionally. Within weeks of finding out I was pregnant I again, I quit my second job at Red Lobster. I stayed on at Tacobell but every shift I worked was a struggle. My new baby's dad quit and was living a few town away with his new girlfriend. That had happened very quick for me. I don't know if my reactions would have been so strong if it weren't for the pregnancy surges through my body but I was a wreck. The crew I worked with stayed in touch with him and would tell me what was going on with him even when i didn't want to hear it. Then I'd be left standing behind the counter swallowing back tears. Once, I'd unknowingly served the new girlfriend and then was told by co-workers who it'd been. She'd wanted to see who i was. I was shattered.

I did what i did best and threw myself full force into motherhood. I put my full focus on my daughter. When I had alone moments I cried. He called me, he showed up. He came to the doctor appointments with me and we had lunch together afterwards. I always stayed hopeful he'd have a change of heart. Sometimes we'd part and I felt in my heart it was a matter of time. I knew I had hurt him bad and deserved not to have him in my life but that didn't make it easy.

Two of my middle school/high school friends became pregnant around the same time as me. One before me, Stephanie and one after me, Caryl. All of us had also worked at Tacobell together at one point. Having two friends I was close to, to go thru pregnancy with, made me feel less alone.

Stephanie was still in High School and most days DeAna and I would be waiting at her mother's house for her to get home. Stephanie and her baby's father were still together and building a life together. Sometimes I felt like the third wheel but we still did things together. One thing we did a lot fo together was eat. Stephanie came home everyday straved, she ate alot of apples and bagels. I remember that well. Eventually she and her high school boyfriend got their own apartment and we ate all the time their too.
We both gained like crazy in our pregnancies.

My parent aids and parent educators were great supports. Emotionally, I had a hard time getting over my first real boyfriend. My heartbreak was awful and when the depression didn't pass, I called for counseling. The woman I saw would change my life and not in a good way. This woman would try to push me further in my fall and lead me to distrust a system I had put faith into until that point.





Changes

The same year I moved us into the in-law apartment and found a job, I made some other big changes in my life. With the small income of my job I was able to furnish our apartment, cheaply but cozily. I mastered the art of lay-away and purchased many things I both needed and wanted for us.

I was taking adult education classes. Wanting to further my education, and I struggled. Every week day, I put Deana in the stroller and took an hour walk to the YMCA to take my classes. Then we'd go off to play group. At night, I'd study when she was playing or sleeping. I wasn't retaining much of the knowledge.

To work the weekend, I had to make numerous calls and balance babysitters, sometime having to set a small sum of my paycheck aside to pay my younger brother to watch her.

Then a met a guy. I tried to avoid guys for the most part, with the exception of those I kept as friends. I had dated one briefly when coming home but kept him at a distance. This guy was different. He won me over quickly. The first time he came to see me outside of work, he brought me a rose. He also brought Deana toys and a balloon. I avoided him for a few weeks but he was persistent. He was also wonderful to us.

When we weren't working, he spent all his free time with us, occasionally even coming to playgroups with us. He signed up for the adult education classes with me. The relationship would last a year or so. It wasn't that it couldn't have worked, or that he was wrong to me or my daughter in anyway. We had stresses, like Deana's dad, who decide to give him an awful time for being in our lives. There balancing parenthood, work, school, and then the added relationship. It was a lot on me. I just wasn't ready. We were engaged for a while, he'd bought me a beautiful little ring. I was happy and yet terrified.

To say I wasn't ready is an understatement. When ever I looked at that ring on my hand I felt the warmth of love and the terror of commitment. The idea of another life long commitment when I was already committed to my daughter felt like a whale swallowing me down under the water. Marriage , commitment to a seventeen year old felt like someone had cut off my air supply. I felt horrible, it was the whole "It's not you..it's me" and how lame was that? Because it wasn't that it was him at all..and so whenever he pulled  I pushed. I picked fights to gain space because as much as I wanted the relationship, my own fear consumed everything.

After a year together, working together..going to school together..I called it quits with him for the last and final time. I'd picked up a second job at Red Lobster by that time as a hostess. I didn't have a real reason. I needed space. Shortly after he started seeing someone else, and I found out I was pregnant..again. Even though I wanted him back, it was too late. I'd burned a bridge I would never have back. I was beyond consolable. I was near hysterical. I wanted him in my life so badly suddenly that I became stuck on him as my ultimate goal. I lost focus on what I was trying to accomplish. I'd also failed my first try at the G.E.D. test. My world began to crash down. I would fall and hard. It would take a long while to get myself back on track. I would only do it, again because I had family and friends to hold me up.

Do it yourself!

Because many of the playgroups that were around when I was raising my children are now gone due to funding cuts or now have specific criteria requirements..Many parents have decided to start their own. This video tells how:

The getting of a J-O-B..eyes crossed??

The list of what I needed on a material level for my daughter was growing as her age did. DeAna and I got a small sum of cash from the state and food stamps. Although holidays and birthday she was spoiled beyond spoiled, by myself and our family and friends, there were still things I wanted to give her and couldn't. I needed a job. I didn't want to be on State. I wanted to be more than that, I didn't want to fall in the trap. My parents put a roof over our head, but everything else was my responsibility because I took on the challenge of raising a baby, she was my responsibility alone in my parent's eyes.

The story of me getting my first job makes me laugh out loud. Again, it is a testimony that although I was a determined and caring mother, I was still sixteen and trying to figure out how the world worked. I decided I wanted a job at Taco bell. I really wanted a job at Taco bell! One day when I went to eat there I filled out an application, the next day I called and followed up, landing an interview.

In my previous blogs I talked about my belief in personal appearance playing a roll in getting what you want. So I stood in front of mirror, rehearsing what I might say and what an employer might want to see in a person they'd be hiring for Taco bell. Now this is where my shenanigans get out of hand. What i decided to do was approach my first interview as a "casting call" for a role. Previously i;d wanted to be an actress, and spent hours studying up on the subject of landing a role.

The outfit...oh boy. Pulling through my clothes I put on some type of older woman's business like suit with of course the heels. It was a bit much. I didn't want to appear to be just another irresponsible teenager looking for a job. What I did next..oh my goodness!!

SO I had this pair of glasses that belonged to a friend. She'd gotten them from someone in her family and one way or another they ended up at my house. The were those old style type of prescription glasses that wing up in the corners, and the type of bi-focal that makes your eyes magnify.

Now mind you, I have beyond perfect vision or at least had..as I have gotten older I wonder. Anyway, I don't wear glasses. I put the glasses on and changed my role. I took off the suit and put on a turtle neck, tucked that into a pair of jeans. As if a job interview were a costume contest, I dressed up as nerdy as I could. When my mother drove me over I kept the glasses off until I got out of the car. Then I put the glasses on. I sat down with the manager and he start interviewing me. Every time he looked up at me, I kept my eyes crossed!!! Why, I still don't know what my exact thinking was on the issue of crossing my eyes.

A few days later, I got the phone call. I got the job! Now I ditched the whole act the first day and he didn't call me on it just then. I worked weekends and between my friends and younger brother I was able to cover child care. I would work on and off again at Taco bell until I was 21 years old. My last year there was when the general manager finally said to me, "You know what?? I thought you were crossed eyed when I hired you." I just laughed. I thought he'd forgotten. The joke was on me.


Play time

The days of being a stay at home mom are some of the most precious memories I will ever keep. Everyday I watched as my daughter discovered something new. We set up routines that defend our days and although I wasn't becoming book smart like my peers..I was becoming mommy smart.

I kept a log of all her happenings in a baby book. Now as I write this, I am skimming through the sacred memories of my little girl's firsts.


I moved us from inside my mother and step father's house to the small two bedroom apartment above the garage. At sixteen I was ready to raise her on my own , to live on my own and still could not afford a place of our own totally on my own.


When we came home from St. Agnes I called and set up for a parent aid to come out and see us. At that time, you could do so on a self referral. Once a week we had an angel of a parent aid come and visit us. She brought small activities I could do with DeAna and talked about what mile stones she should be reaching at what age.

We also attended playgroups almost everyday. The play groups run by the agency that my parent aid came from, play groups from Birth to Three, because my parent aid referred her to them. She wouldn't talk in front of the woman because she was she, and I guess she didn't believe me when I said she could talk, so Deana started receiving Birth to three services for her speech, which meant a home visit from them as well as playgroups. I also signed her up for playgroups run through the Family Resource center at the school. Then there was a twice a month playgroup run just for teen mothers.

Playgroups were a wonderful thing. Being one of the youngest mothers, I had older mothers to ask questions of. DeAna got to participate in activities with other little ones and we attended many field trips to places. I became life long friends with a few of these moms. We swapped free child care and our kids grew up together. DeAna now in her teens is still friends with the children she played with when she was still in diapers.

Outside of playgroups, I ran our day as if it were an extension of. We were always blowing bubbles outside, singing songs, playing with play dough or boxes of dry noodles, playing with water, making crafts, or dancing to music. I was still young enough to remember how to play and wasn't tired from a job or school, so I had nothing to do but play.
In someways, for all the struggles, there were advantages to being a teenage mom.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Put away that potty..for awhile



For a while we lived with my parents again. I fought hard to find my way back into school. I had my teachers begging me to come back and the strive to do so. Sadly the funding wasn't there for daycare. All of my parents worked days and my friends were still in school. I had no income to put my daughter in daycare.

My days were spent with her. Teaching her, playing game with her, helping her learned little songs. Changing diapers and preparing meals were all I did. I knew if I could get I decided to start potty training her at 1 1/2. I read bought her a plastic potty chair with child support. I bought her "Once Upon A Potty." every night.. a about a million times during the day.
I had a vhs cassette tape about using the potty we watched. I tried everything to convince her sitting on the potty was a good thing. Of course..this didn't work..none of it did..although some people have managed to master the art of potty raining their children at a year and half..not my daughter. Sometimes she peed and I gave her a small treat.

The potty training process was a long process for us. She would be three before she finally got the hang of it. When I finally look at her..much like I did with the weaning and told her "No more diapers." I finally took the diapers and had her help me through them away in the trash outside. Two days later she was trained, she didn't like the feel of pee on her leg. I never got made about "accidents". I don't understand why some people get so upset when their little ones mess. Maybe God blessed me with more patience than some, I don't know. What I do know is that the 3 years of teaching were well worth the trouble, as she never did have an accident or wet the bed when she finally trained.

I wouldn't recommend early potty training to anyone. I think the books and articles that promote it are baloney. Either you have a toddler who trains early or you don't. If all it took was time and effort, she would have trained because all I had was time and all I did was stay home and teach her. I think each child has their own will or way when it comes to potty training. We all know when we see that first pregnancy test come back positive that diapers and butt cleanings are ahead. So why stress yourself or your baby when we all know it will happen in time. A little teaching doesn't hurt, but getting frustrating or frustrating your child seems pointless. I learned better when I had my next two children.

So in a way I spent much of my high school years teaching my little girl how to use a potty.




Friday, April 6, 2012

The first year of motherhood really is hard!

Someone made mention to me that I made that first year as a teen mom seem to easy. That a teen mother making the right choices will not have bumps. That couldn't be further from the truth. As a matter of fact, I have had nothing but hurdles and mountains to climb my entire life..a series of not stop struggles. Anyone who knows me on a personal level can vouch for the fact that my name may be Cassidy but it might as well be Chaosity..seriously.

Its just that those small bumps in the road that may be such great tragedies to those with nice normal lives, were mere drops in the bucket for me. A colicky baby was hard. Night without sleep were endless and awful, those lasted for years by the way. She didn't sleep through the night til she was three and either did my two boys I'd have later on.

Teething or the after effect of immunization shots.. talk about a helpless feeling when you do everything and can't take the pain away. There was the normal teenage stuff, the bickering with other girls, the heart break. There was always a boy..if not two.. ALWAYS a boy who I was either sky high in love with or dropped dead depressed over. I haven't really touched on the boy factor because I did my best to keep that and them separated from my daughter. My daughter was my every minute, everyday focus while the guys..well, they were just like friends.

Strangers gave me disapproving glances. Some were just outright rude to me for having a baby. A lot of people assumed I was her sister or babysitting and flat out told me I was lying when I said she was my own. That felt awful! Someone telling you that your child isn't yours!

Everyone felt they had a right to tell me something about parenting. Strangers were awful and rude in their judgements. Always assuming the worst. Family sometimes said things that caught me off guard. I had a family member put me on blast when the one time I decided to try to give DeAna a bottle at a gathering I didn't feel comfortable nursing at. This person yelled at me for putting that stuff in her bottle. I am glad I asked "What stuff?" Because they assumed it was a powder juice drink..this was when powdered formula was brand new. Yet another reason why I just didn't even bother with the bottle. People, even those that love you, imagine the worst of a fifteen year old mom. Its hard to shatter the stereotypes, very hard. Many tears have been shed over just that, trust me.

I had the usual teenage disagreements with my parents, with my teachers, stressing over homework, hoping I would get invited out on the weekends. Feeling alone because I couldn't do what my friends were doing. Disappointment when I couldn't get someone to watch her so I could do something I was invited to. It wasn't easy, it just wasn't anything I couldn't bring her and I both through. In her first year,  my ultimate goal was to form a bond to my baby, for her to bond to me. To give her a chance to learn much and grow healthy. To prove to everyone that I could be a good mom. We accomplished that and did it with both determination and success. .

Going home

We would eventually reach our time of discharge at St.Agnes. I would have no follow up with DCF as I had more than proved myself as a mother. It'd been well over a year. She and I had survived the colic, the teething, the weaning.
She was walking and talking.

I'd wanted to stay but it didn't happen that way. The day we left St. Agnes was flipped with good-bye's and tears and promises to stay in touch that didn't last long. We would go home to my mother and step father's where we started out.
That first year had flown by, as every year after would. Babies grow, mommy's get older. I started off as a fifteen year old mother of new born, I left there well into sixteen, with a toddler. It was a new beginning for us, both scary and exciting. A real baby step towards our life as mother and daughter.




Nutrition as an addiction

Good nutrition is my addiction. All my time in St. Agnes was not a waste. One class I adored was nutrition, because it was run by a registered dietitian from the Hartford hospital. It wasn't a class run by the staff just reading information to us they photo copied out of a book. I also signed up to meet with her for one on ones as well.

I love food..I mean everyone loves food but for me its not just eating food. Its learning what makes up food. As in, if I take a bite of this..what vitmains and minerals are going into my body. Then I break it down into what do these specific vitamins and minerals do for my body.. it goes on and there. Food obsessed!!

So of course I wanted to make sure every bite that went into my baby's mouth was well worth it for her developing mind and body. I'd researched and decided during my pregnancy that Earth's best was the baby food I would use for her because its organic and I had huge concerns about the amounts of pesticides in fruits and vegetables. Along with breatfeeding I was a golden child in the eyes of this woman.

I learned everything I could and because it was a huge interest of mine anyway, I took to the information like a bee on honey. I also tweaked bits for what worked best  for us and what my instincts as a mother said to do. I also needed to pay close attention to my own in take because I was still growing and because I was still breatfeeding, what I took in was also very important.
All of my parents, mother, father and step father eat very healthy. I grew up vegetarian, so this gave me a great start on my journey. While at St. Agnes, the food served was not what my body was used to and as I mentioned earlier was slathered in gobs and gobs of butter. Not that I don't like or use butter or most likely margarine which is even worse. A routine physical and blood draw showed my bad cholesteral numbers were sky high after a short time of eating the food served. I was ate all the time because I felt half starved, I was a hundred pounds soon after giving birth, and because DeAna nursed so much I was in constant need of calories and nutrients.

I waited 6 months before starting DeAna on any kind of baby food. I never used infant cereal with her. I saw one to many babies struggle to digest the stuff. When I did start her I started her on one type of baby food a week. One week peas, one week carrots, one week sweet potatoes. We have a long history of food allergies in our family and I needed to observe for any reactions. I didn't introduce her to fruit for a while. My reasoning is that I did not want her to develop a taste for sweets early on. Of course it was obvious that she loved the sweet potaties best which was fine with me because it is a "Super Food" and is loaded with huge amounts of vitmains per bite.


When she was  around nine months I started her on Cheerios. Can I get an Amen! Are Cheerios not the best finger food for babies ever??? Super healthy, low in sugar and affordable! They melt down easily in baby's mouth, so the choke risk is less and they travel well. They help with fine motor development and they dont hurt when they get stuck between your toes! haha

From cheerios, I started giving her a very small amount of juice in a sippy cup but only my favorite brand of juice would do. Can I tell you how upset I get when I see babies with things like Kool-aid, soda, and fruit drinks in their bottles and sippy cups! I was known at St. Agnes to dump them right out, while explaining to the mother why and refill them with milk and water, or if its juice..it has to be Juicey juice. I know that crossed a line but a baby bottle filled with soda is like putting a pure posion into a little ones mouth and that will not happen under my watch. Every baby's health matters to me, not just my own child's,


I grew up on Juicy juice and my parents knew best, because it is 100% fruit juice and packed with vitamins and antioxidents. I have a belief that there are benefits that come from a diet of fruits and vegetables that we don't even have names for yet. Look how long it took the main stream public to learn about antioxidents!
My parents also knew best when they only let me have small amounts each day and watered it down. Although Juicy Juice and all 100 % fruit juice  have no added sugar, it has natural occuring sugars from the fruit it's self. These sugars can effect a child's teeth.

I prepared DeAna scrambled eggs a little after a year old. Eggs are jam packed with good for you things. They are mushy and easy to swallow. You can quickly prepare them in the microwave even. They are a great source of protein and now you can get them with enriched with Omega-3s. Yay Eggs!








Thursday, April 5, 2012

Giving up the boobs

Also known as weaning..
Weaning my daughter wasn't easy. As I made mention earlier, she didn't stop nursing until her fourteenth month! The decision to breastfeed was easy for me, the benefits for my baby and myself far out weighed any excuses I might have had. Before I get to the weaning, let me preach a bit about why breast feeding works for young moms.

Its unusual for teen mothers to pick breastfeeding in the U.S.A. ! That is a sad statistic because a teen mother's body readily makes breast milk just like any other mother. Breast milk isn't just healthy for a baby in so many ways, it is healthy for mommy too. I personally lost weight easily after my pregnancies by nursing and I had 40lb weight gains. Teen girls are notoriously worried about their weight. That should be reason enough to nurse, get your figure back.

More importantly its free! What mother doesn't need extra money? Especially a teenage mother, whose chances of employment paying anything more than minimum wage are not good.

Some teen mothers have told me their milk supply wasn't good. Trust me, your baby is getting enough, your breast fed baby is going to eat more then a bottle fed baby because natural breast milk digests  easily. If your baby is gaining weight, you are doing good! If your doctor isn't concerned, keep going! There are many natural teas that help milk supply come in better. I used these teas, this is my personal favorite



Please take a minute to look into what formula is really made of, reading the label may disgusts you enough to second guess bottle feeding. Podered cows milk.. vegetable oil, corn syrup and added vitamins and water.. now you drink it!

But this is NOT  La Leche, so back to my story...


 

DeAna who wouldn't wean... At fourteen months she had a decent vocabulary and understood much more than she could say. I finally had to tell her no more. The first day I refused to let her nurse and handed her a sippy cup. She wasn't happy at first but she complied. She woke me up so often that night and my breasts hurt so bad, I gave in and nursed her.

When the sun came up, we went to the sippy cup again. That night I gave her a bottle and refused to give in no matter how I ached. I wore my wash able breast pads and toughed it out. She took that bottle ( I LOVE washable breast pads, cost effective and environmentally friendly!) .

The next morning she didn't even try to nurse, she used her cup. That night I gave her a bottle and she took it happily. I know, a bottle! and yes, I slowly had to wean her off that too. The pain and engorgement from not nursing was terrible, but guess what?? After 9 months of pregnancy and 14 months of nursing I finally allowed my self to take Tylenol, between that and hot water packs, I was good to go and so was she! No more nursing. I had my body back and she was a healthy happy toddler.

Dr. Sears advises pregnant mothers..

My instincts in pregnancy were right..and he confirms it!