The first year of motherhood really is hard!

Someone made mention to me that I made that first year as a teen mom seem to easy. That a teen mother making the right choices will not have bumps. That couldn't be further from the truth. As a matter of fact, I have had nothing but hurdles and mountains to climb my entire life..a series of not stop struggles. Anyone who knows me on a personal level can vouch for the fact that my name may be Cassidy but it might as well be Chaosity..seriously.

Its just that those small bumps in the road that may be such great tragedies to those with nice normal lives, were mere drops in the bucket for me. A colicky baby was hard. Night without sleep were endless and awful, those lasted for years by the way. She didn't sleep through the night til she was three and either did my two boys I'd have later on.

Teething or the after effect of immunization shots.. talk about a helpless feeling when you do everything and can't take the pain away. There was the normal teenage stuff, the bickering with other girls, the heart break. There was always a boy..if not two.. ALWAYS a boy who I was either sky high in love with or dropped dead depressed over. I haven't really touched on the boy factor because I did my best to keep that and them separated from my daughter. My daughter was my every minute, everyday focus while the guys..well, they were just like friends.

Strangers gave me disapproving glances. Some were just outright rude to me for having a baby. A lot of people assumed I was her sister or babysitting and flat out told me I was lying when I said she was my own. That felt awful! Someone telling you that your child isn't yours!

Everyone felt they had a right to tell me something about parenting. Strangers were awful and rude in their judgements. Always assuming the worst. Family sometimes said things that caught me off guard. I had a family member put me on blast when the one time I decided to try to give DeAna a bottle at a gathering I didn't feel comfortable nursing at. This person yelled at me for putting that stuff in her bottle. I am glad I asked "What stuff?" Because they assumed it was a powder juice drink..this was when powdered formula was brand new. Yet another reason why I just didn't even bother with the bottle. People, even those that love you, imagine the worst of a fifteen year old mom. Its hard to shatter the stereotypes, very hard. Many tears have been shed over just that, trust me.

I had the usual teenage disagreements with my parents, with my teachers, stressing over homework, hoping I would get invited out on the weekends. Feeling alone because I couldn't do what my friends were doing. Disappointment when I couldn't get someone to watch her so I could do something I was invited to. It wasn't easy, it just wasn't anything I couldn't bring her and I both through. In her first year,  my ultimate goal was to form a bond to my baby, for her to bond to me. To give her a chance to learn much and grow healthy. To prove to everyone that I could be a good mom. We accomplished that and did it with both determination and success. .