Plotting and Planning

Deana learned to walk at fourteen months..long after the other babies her same age. Like all mothers there was a small competition for who would do things first. She took forever to walk because all she ever wanted to do was be held.

She was still nursing at that point and the staff at St. Agnes's were appalled. Everyday I had to hear them tell me it was time to quit. I knew it was. She would bite, she would grind her teeth. She could say a variety of words and I'd had enough.

It was one of many things they complained about me and the way I mothered. They also complained about me for more valid reasons. I was still a teenager after all and having a baby didn't change that.

Confession time...When DeAna was still on baby food I pulled the wool over the old lady who did the grocery shopping's eyes. Organic baby food, Earth's Best, to be exact was the only food I wanted her eating. I knew how much it cost and knew I wasn't going to be able to keep buying it on the ten dollars a week on got in child support alone. It was almost a dollar a jar. They were providing baby food but it was awful stuff. It was actually made by Heinz ..as in the ketchup..company. That just didn't seem good enough for my baby to me.  In comes the plot. One day catching her alone, I said, "The doctor said my baby has to have organics baby food, Earth's Best, because she is allergic to pesticide". How that worked, I'll never know but for months it did. The someone auditing the grocery bill caught it and the gig was up.

I still had growing up to do. I still wanted everything exactly my way and if it wasn't going my way I found a way to make it so, even if it came to lying.

Each week we earned a certain amount of "store credits" to shop for our babies in our in-house store. They had things like candy and soda, donated baby toys, diapers, wipes and sometimes household items. Most girls bought candy. I always bought DeAna books because I read to her every night, diapers and some small house hold items. I was buying more diapers then she needed. I started buying diapers in bigger and bigger sizes. I was stocking up for when we left. Someone decided to put an end to it. Reporting the fact that I was buying more diapers then I could possibly be using and in sizes she didn't yet need.
When confronted, I admitted what I was doing. Instead of praising my good planning, I was told I had to stop.

I always had a plan. Instead of studying I made lists. I made lists of things I would need for my own apartment. I tore through every book and magazine looking for things I might have missed on my list. When I had a pass to go out, I'd put DeAna in the stroller and go to Wal-greens. With the small amount of child support I received plus a small allowance from the home, I started buying things we'd need. I learned the best clearance was in the back rack of the store. I bought things like dish towels, utensils, magnets, cups and toys for her.  Other girls went to the mall down the road for clothes. I did buy her clothes from Old Navy, that was before it was popular and you could buy baby clothes there for five dollars a piece and shoes for three dollars. I also got her pictures done every two months at the photo studio.

My original plan was to move into one of the homes transitional apartments and graduate from high school right there in West Hartford. Deana would continue attending the same daycare and I would eventually come back to work at St. Agnes as staff. That was my goal. God had other plans for us.